I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
