im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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