After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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