I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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