Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
