I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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