We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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