I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
