Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
