3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
