just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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