I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She needs sedatives and a leash
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
