I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
