i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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