I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
