so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
