What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
