my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
