I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
