Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
