Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He felt like a one man threesome
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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