So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
