yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
