I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
