Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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