A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
