i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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