its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize