you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
