What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I need to sanitize my soul.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
