you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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