you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
