I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I checked into jail on foursquare
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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