he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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