Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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