to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
