where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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