What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
