you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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