I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
