I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
