He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
