I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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