i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
