I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
