i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize