The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
