So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
whose parrot is this?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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