You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
her vagine was all disorganized.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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