I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
