If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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