i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
