May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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