Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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