I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
