You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
