Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
