I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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