Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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