Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
