hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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