i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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