I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
