Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
