I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Don't tell me you're on acid again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My feet surprised me
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