Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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