Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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