what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
