Pants 0. Shit 1.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
