never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize