Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
