If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
