you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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