I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
