you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
